Challenging Gender Roles, One School Yard Crush at a Time

By Violet Chin

My name is Violet, I’m a 17-year-old lesbian, and this International Women’s Month I want to celebrate the women loving women.

I was in 4th grade when I realized I was a lesbian. Notably, this realization did not come from some poetic young love or joy-filled epiphany, but rather from something much more prevalent in my day-to-day life back then: schoolyard culture. 

Boys were the basis of every recess conversation. “Who do you like?” became a regular lie I had rehearsed like a monologue, planning weddings became the school’s pastime, and “MASH” was the schoolyard girl’s game of choice. See, my 4th-grade world seemed to revolve around the validation of an often snotty 10-year-old boy. And I hated it– not just because I couldn’t participate in this male-loving culture but rather because we, a class of perhaps 100 young kids, had unknowingly recreated the patriarchy around us. 

Patriarchy, more than anything else, was why being a lesbian felt like such a big deal to me back then. I didn’t know about the discrimination I would face, the conversations I would have, or the community I would grow to stand up for. Back then, I only knew one thing: being a lesbian meant taking down the patriarchy. Because in a world trying to make women subservient to men, it felt clear that the ultimate form of protest was absolving myself of the gender entirely. Because I knew that the world wanted me to submit to the men around me, I knew that for generations before me women has been robbed of their individuality under a system that told them they were nothing but a love interest, and I knew that  I could never be head-over-heels for a boy, so I knew that my place would always be as a changemaker, rejecting the male-centic culture around me. Simply put: I would always be challenging gender roles each schoolyard crush at a time.

That’s why this International Women’s Month I want to celebrate the women loving women. I want to applaud the recess protests. I want to inspire the next generation of young girls to be strong, soft, kind, smart, and most of all true to themselves. 

But with celebration comes reflection– and, finally, steps forward:

This year, coming into It Gets Better’s Youth Voices, I was challenged to think about my sexuality more than I ever had before. And I’m lucky to say that because of the support of my mentors and community, now my identity is not something I fight for every day, but rather something I heal with. So this month, I’m hoping to heal society — taking down the patriarchy with the power of lesbian love. 

– Violet is a 17-year-old high-schooler/filmmaker who has worked with the AAPI youth organization Make Noise Today, her local YMCA Youth and Government chapter, and as a creative content maker with GetLit! Violet is a member of It Gets Better’s Youth Voices class of 2025.