Building a Life Worth Fighting For

By Finn Krol

The first day of school was a highly anticipated and dreaded event for me all four years of high school. Every year, the first day of school served as a chance for me to show everybody who I was. Everyone who was paying attention, that is. On the first day of freshman year, I wore heels, a clingy shirt, and a skirt, objectively miserable. On the first day of sophomore year, I sported a horrible, self-created haircut and maybe an ounce of confidence. Quarantine looked good on me. I loved my hair, but coming out four months later to an initially transphobic family (now fantastic allies) destroyed any little scrap of confidence I had been able to find.

The first day of junior year, however, was a very, very big deal— it was the first time going back to school fully out as a trans guy, using a new name and pronouns. 

Here are some things I learned during high school about coming out: 

● It was infinitely easier to transition into the school year after having met with my school counselor about having my name changed in the system before I actually started school.

● Emailing my teachers beforehand about my name and pronouns helped minimize the amount of misgendering and deadnaming I had to deal with on the first day.

● I chose to be a teachers’ assistant for the advisor of the Sexuality and Gender Alliance, who teaches English, instead of taking an extra elective, and this gave me a safe place to end my day every day.

All of these things helped me create a small little bubble of safety, one which I could go to to catch a break from my horrible home life and declining mental state. I quickly learned which teachers, classrooms, and people I could and couldn’t trust. Junior year wasn’t perfect, by a mile, but senior year? Senior year was magical. All of the work I did at school to build a life as an out transgender person meant that when I came back from summer break, everyone knew me for who I truly was and I was finally able to enjoy it fully. 

On the first day of senior year, I wore thigh high suede platforms, shorts, and a crop top with a binder, pink glittery makeup, and earrings that said queer magic. Everything had changed, but in some ways, my love for dressing up on the first day of school hadn’t. What changed? My newfound hope for the future. 

Now, I’m preparing for my second year of college. I go to a small, liberal arts school in New York, and sometimes I think it’s too small, but I’m giving it a second chance. The best part about college is that no one knows anything about who you were in high school, unless you tell them. Anytime I wear those platform boots, I tell people about the beginning of a great senior year, but I never mention the haircut of quarantine and the disaster that was coming out. The best part of coming out in high school, and it had its fair share of horrors, was that since that first day of junior year, I’ve gotten a chance everyday to live a life worth fighting for. 

So, if your first day of school is coming up and you’re dreading it, that’s okay. Dread it, avoid it, do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe, but don’t give up hope. It will get better, it will get easier, and one day, all of your efforts will have been worth it.

– Finn (he/they) is a theater major and writer. Outside of school, he plays roller derby on an all trans travel team!